so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
When are your genitals available?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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