Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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