Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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