i jhust puked up my retainher.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
