He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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