All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
