That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
