i think my tv is drunk
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
