the new term for farting is butt boxing.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
