Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
