my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Blood and glitter go together right?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
please don't ironically join a cult
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