Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
