I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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