What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I need mimosas to revive my soul
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
