Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I want her autograph on my taint
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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