You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize