toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
