whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
