Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
