I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
