Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
