my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
