Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
