I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
