Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize