oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
