I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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