So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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