I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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