Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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