i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
