kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
