I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize