His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
