why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
