The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
