The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
