haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
