The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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