Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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