do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
