you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
