Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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