hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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