I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
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