you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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