I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
