last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
