I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
