Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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