im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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