I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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