People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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