This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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