my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
