six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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