my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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