Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
