i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
