Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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