Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
