I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
