i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize