Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
