Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize