so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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