if you like me you must not know who I am
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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