I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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