due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
