I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
