She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
