Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
