so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize