if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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