I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
