We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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