At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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