Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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